5 An Infestation
Paint the picture of your horrifying evening: you got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, but after flipping on the switch, you noticed you weren’t alone in the kitchen. Two beady red eyes were looking square at you. That’s how you found out that your new apartment has mice. Pest infestations don’t have to stop there either. You could explain that you discovered fleas on your pooch and have to disinfect everything—including yourself. Bed bugs, cockroaches or even a bird stuck in the chimney chute are reasons enough to have to call out of work to wait for the exterminator. While you’re out on the town for the day though, grab a business card from a local exterminating company and leave it out in plain view on your work desk the next day.
Just hearing the word “diarrhea” makes you cringe. Explaining to your superior that you spent the night cuddled up on the porcelain throne is enough to get you out of work for the day, but not quite a big enough of an emergency to require a note from your physician. Remember that when you do go back to work the following day, it’s probably not wise to be seen eating a double bacon cheeseburger at your desk. Follow through with your white lie and stick to something mild or skip lunch altogether. Remember to double over in discomfort every time your boss walks by too.
3 Water Leak
Explaining that you have an unexplained plumbing problem is just enough to make you need to stay home, without making up some elaborate emergency. Let your boss know that you walked in to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and found yourself swimming to get to your toilet. After figuring out how to shut the water off, you spent the entire early morning hours scooping up buckets of toilet water. You have no idea what happened, but you can’t get a hold of the plumber until business hours. Your boss won’t want to come anywhere near you after hearing about how you’re drenched in toilet water. Gross. Day off—check!
2 Sick One at Home
If you have kids, great! Use them as an excuse to get out of work. Call in and say that little Suzie has a fever or that Michael skipped class and got booted from school for the day. But if you don’t have a kid, your pet may suffice—especially if you have a boss who has a soft spot for little fur balls. When you make that dreaded call, frantically tell your boss that your new puppy is throwing up or that your kitten got into the cleaning supplies under the sink. You have to take your critter to the vet right away. Your story is always more believable if you line your desk with pics of your kids or animals beforehand.
1 Doctor’s Appointment
Calling in sick is way overrated. What if your boss makes you bring in a doctor’s note? Then you have to fake an illness and actually get to the doctor if you want to keep your job. Instead, schedule your doctor’s visit ahead of time. After all, you’re probably due for a physical, some blood lab work or a Pap smear. If you plan accordingly if you know you want to miss a day of work, you’ll rightfully earn your golden ticket off—a.k.a. the signed doctor’s note. Stay home for the day—no one needs to know you were only at the doctor’s for half an hour.
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